Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
