my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
