Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
