we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How does one acquire holy water?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
