Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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