I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
