ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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