I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
