I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
