Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
