yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
