Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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