I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
