Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
