How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
