I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
two words...techno handjob
I miss vodka workout Fridays
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
