Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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