ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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