I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize