how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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