Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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