I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
