I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize