I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
