there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
