I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
