Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
