You smell like stripper and shame
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
