I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
