apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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