I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this is an emotional support booty call
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
