He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize