now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
