I need help removing her.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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