Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
