wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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