All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
