evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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