I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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