Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
