I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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