I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
