i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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