I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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