NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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