Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
