I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
