We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
