..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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