fuck your aforementioned shoe
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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