I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
