I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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