my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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