he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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