It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
