why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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