You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize