Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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