I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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