my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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