There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
