epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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