why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
