dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize