Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
