Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I FOUND THE LEGS
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize