Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
