Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
