It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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