Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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