This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
