I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
