I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Still dying that you shit outside
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
